That was his third visit. We were calling each other using our names and exchanged already our phone numbers. I get knew his life quite good and really that was nothing that someone could be jealous about.

He came inside energetically with an expression on his face as he was entering to an office with some issue. And as a client he was, the law was supposed to stand always by his side.

I wanted to destroy his self confidence. I was the one who was supposed to lead this session.

-Hi! How is your respectable health (? :-) !).So, coming to the subject: how does your shit look like, is it as a chocolate? - I welcomed him the same way as some doctors from the east make. He looked as he get frozen in the middle of his step, meanwhile taking his hand to greet me. He opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but the only thing that could be heard was hissing as from the tire with a little hole inside.

-No!!! That's not the way a therapist should speak! - He answered aggressively with a hope that he will manage to protect his confidence. - It's not the way a therapist should welcome his client because he can loose his mind from the early beginning.

-So, how would you like to be greeted according to your mood? - My happiness was the strongest weapon for him.

-For sure not the way you just made it? - He was fighting to protect his mood, as it was his right written in the constitution.

-So, tell my how? Suggest something and I will try to play my role. I'm really sure that today you came here with a proper screenplay and my task is in 99% to say ''yes'' for every single thing that you are going to say. - That was it - I was totally right.

-No! I mean yes... - He said after a while.

-Beautiful! - I said with an admiration, just the same as I would say while watching some beautiful mountain's view, lighted by the rising sun.

-What do you mean by saying "beautiful"?

-Your "no which means yes". Our ex-president is your family? - I mocked openly.

-Are you trying to say that I'm an idiot?

-I even don't have to. - I bantered with him as we were playing in a sandbox.

-Are you offending me?

-Yes. And how are you feeling about this? - Pissing off a client is a stupid but very effective tactic.

-Foolish question! Just the same as they are making in a group therapy. - He could not hide any longer that he was so irritated.

-So open yourself. Put your legs wide. Maybe that's what you need.

-I really don't remember the last time someone pissed me off that much! You didn't make it by mistake? - He started to understand something. He knew from the last meeting that I am not going just to caress his head and that he has to be prepared to take his insides out.

-Of course! - I agreed with him.

-But what's the reason? - He started to be curious.

-To ruin your screenplay! You already prepared some stupid show. I'm sure that from your point of view it's indeed really tragic. For hours and hours you've been playing the same story in your head. You've been cursing yourself and this unjust faith. You already created a drama play with three acts but without solution, but with a such a miserable ending and you really believe that the public will be crying while walking to he cloak-room.

-Are you still making jokes of me? - He did not know how to react. He was acting as he was angry. Just as he used to make in a kindergarten and then at school. For thousand times he was acting as he was offended. It might be that he noticed that it will not work on me, because I would not let him to do so.

-So, am I not right? - I asked seriously.

-In some part you are. - He admitted with me half right.

-Say exactly what do you mean by " in some part"? How did you think I'm going to act after you will tell my your story, before you opened my door?

-I wanted...I wanted you to feel pity hearing my story...- With the feeling that he is guilty, he confessed me all the truth.

-That's great. So we discovered quite fast what was your main goal. And I ruined everything so fast. - I made my comment.

-Why did you make that? - He yelped.

-Because HERE is MY terrain and I am making the decisions what we are going to make. - I growled as a dog which is protecting its area but wagged with my tail at the same tame not to sound so scary. - And anyway, I'm not taking money for crying with my clients, but for helping them! So if you already came here, as the ancient mountains people are saying "ad utrumque paratus", so let's come to the subject then. How long ago this event took place?

-It's really hard to say because THAT was not just one event.

-So, if you cannot say the exact time tell me more or less: was it an hour, a day or a week ago? - I said couple of short words to him to feel the funniness of his answer.

-More or less one year ago. - He answered seriously.

-But you are still feeling it as IT happened yesterday?

-I cannot make it different way. - He was still hoping a bit that I will understand this situation.

-I will leave the conclusions for the end. - I interrupted at once. - Did you tell this story to someone else.

-Yes...

-And people who were listening, were they crying and feeling pity for your life?

-In some part...

-Yes or no?

-Of course that yes, because it's...- The next effort to make me to feel pity to him.

-Ok, stop it! We are going to tell later about what is happening now. Now let's speak how you were expecting me to act. Was it written in your screenplay that I'm going to react the same way as all those people?

-...yes...- He was totally surprised that while directing his story, he even planed how I'm going to react.

-And when you were telling this story, were you expecting to find the solution at the same time?

-Of course that no, because it's...-The problem with which he came to me was seeming to be really big for him. Dear fellow, that's not the right way, I have to interrupt you once again.

-Stop! Let's see what have we told until now. There was something in your life that was difficult and not understandable for you. And when you are telling this story to someone else you are not getting the solution of it. What you are archiving, is always the feeling of pity for you. Something as "others are feeling it the same way as me". Empathy is a very nice feeling, but it can as well complicate the problem, just as: "life is so cruel, women are bad, my life is worth nothing" and staff like this.

-You are right. I really think like this. - The action of our conversation went too fast. That is why he could not fight against my words.

-You were thinking about this situation so many times. But still you haven't found the solution why it happened like this. You are coming to me and your subconscious is finding the way to manipulate me at once, to archive all the time the same thing: feeling pity for you, that will mean all the time the same thing "life is so cruel, women are so bad, everything is worth nothing".

-There is some true in what you are saying. - He admitted.

-Of course "some true". The subconscious doesn't like to change its program even if it's really not that good. Thanks to that, we are who we are and we live somehow not using even 10% of our brain that was given to us by mother nature. Every singe change has some risk in it, it's changing our normal way of life, the law that we are using, all the things that we are used to, our opinions and it needs really a lot of work and nothing is that lazy as our subconscious.

-Is there some way to change all those mistakes in our system of thinking?

-There are many of them! One of it (but not the best one, not the cheapest one and not the most effective one) is a therapy.

-So what is the best one?

-Happy childhood.

-But that is what I cannot change! - Not being asked for it he confirmed that his childhood was not the best one.

-That's why you are here.

-So what are you proposing? - He was very interested of what I am going to say.

-Let's try to rewrite your story to archive something totally different than before. No matter what, just not to make it as you were making before - crying a river at the end.

-But how to make it? - He was more and more interested.

-On the scout's camp five groups get the task to paint on the map a bog's territory. - I thought that for questions without answers the best answers can be stories. - It seemed that this task could not be more easy. You just have to go inside a bog and see where it has its end. One of the groups choose the other way to make it. They tried to make the map while walking outside of the bog's area. They were the only who succeeded. And all the others, they lost their maps while walking in bogs or the maps were so much destroyed that it was impossible to see something. And you should see how they were looking like...

-Could you say it more clear? - So the meaning of my story was not clear enough for him.

-Imagine that your problem is that huge as an Olympic swimming pool. So if you want to measure it, you have to make it from outside. If you'll make it the other way, all of your energy will go to fight with your feelings. It's impossible to swim and to write at the same time. Or you are going to drown or you are going to destroy the paper. In both cases there will be no result.

-So what can I do?

-Tell me your story just as it didn't happen to you. As it happened to some of your friends. For example to some friend from the army. What's his name?

-Whose name?

-The name of your imaginary friend. Choose the name for him. Let it be different from your name.

-I have nothing in my head...

-Come on! There are so many names in the world...- I gave him some time to think.

-Alexander. - There was some reason why he choose this name. Was that because of Alexander the Great?

-How are you going to call him? Try to find some nickname for him.

-Alex. -But why not Olek? It was looking as the guy liked everything which was not so typical.

-So tell my now who is Alex and what happened to him?

-As you know, Alex is 45 years old guy, he divorced and he is living lonely for five years already.

-Do you think that he is ugly, stupid or not interesting for women?

-No, I think that he is intelligent. He is not ugly. And he doesn't have any problems with picking up women. When he wants to have some, he always gets and it always finishes with sex. - I started to listen with a big interest, hearing that the thing which is for others the begging of the adventure, is the final end for him.

-Why is he lonely?

-Because I fill comfortable like this...- He made an expression on his face, which meant that he connected himself with his feelings again. And I had to stop him again.

-Stop! We are not speaking about you! Make it as you were making before, filling the form with: HE and not YOU! - I corrected him just the same as teachers make with children while standing next to the blackboard.

-Alex was just not in a hurry to create another unsuccessful relationship.

-But isn't it like this, that even if he is an adult now, he still dreams about beautiful romantic love?

-Are you making jokes on me?- It was looking like a word "love" was a real taboo for him.

-Even if I would make a joke on Alex, it should not affect on you. And that's not your thing. But even though, I didn't make any joke asking if Alex would not like to be in love.

-Who wouldn't like to be in love? - He asked.

-There are some people who don't want it. But let's come back to the Alex' story.

-Two years ago he had to change a place where he lived. But that was just a coincidence.

-Coincidences doesn't exist in the nature! - I could not stop myself to make a comment. It just slipped out from my mouth, as a wet soap is slipping out from hands while taking the shower.

-You are right. Alex was thinking the same way, when he was watching at the first apartment from the long list in a newspaper. His home was situated exactly opposite the place that he was born. He thought that it cannot be a coincidence, it's a destiny, fate or something like that. He started to feel as a main character of "Alchemic", that was traveling so far away and he found his treasure exactly at the place that he was coming from.

-What was this treasure? This apartment? - I asked stupidly for his to come back to the subject.

-This diamond was the owner of the home.

-I have a feeling that from now one, she is going to be the main character of your drama. Figure out some name for her, but not the real one and keep going with your story. This story is getting to be more and more exciting and I cannot wait of what is going to happen next. - It is more better to tell the story when a listener is really interested.

-I will name her Andrea. He rented this apartment and at the beginning he was meeting her once every month, when she was coming to take the money for the staying.

-Not so fast. Tell it more slovenly for me to be able to follow your plot. You created a new character in your drama, so describe her.

-Andrea is 14 years younger that Alex. She is divorced. She doesn't have any children. She is really beautiful in a very special way.

-But please, explain what exactly means for you "beautiful in a very special way".

-She's got such a beautiful, long hair but she always wears it as a bun. She is shaped very well but she always wears loose jumpers which are hiding her figure. She is sentimental but the expression on her face is as she was feeling some pain. Maybe she feels some pain indeed. I think that she has so many complexes about herself and she is just collecting her little traumas.

-Please, continue with your story but using third person. What king of emotions Alex is feeling for her? - I did not have to push him more. He was still keeping a distance from this situation.

-Most of all those feelings are warm, friendly, nice. Just as a mother is feeling to her children. But at the same time he is romantically in love.

-And how is he trying to win her? Because I understand that he is not fighting to lower the price for the apartment.

-With small steps, not to make her feel uncomfortable and not to scar her away. Cinema, theatre, dancing, a dinner with some candles, playing chess at the evening. And after every meeting his love is growing stronger. His feeling that she is the main center and true meaning of his world is getting stronger and stronger. Alex is archiving something after couple of months: he is starting to feel that she likes him. After one year they are going together to Paris for couple of days. Alex is saying there, that he lovers her. And on the top of the Eiffel's Tower he is asking her to marry him.

-And what? - I asked pretending to be that much interested. - You are telling this story as it was a criminal: the excitement is getting stronger and stronger. It's a time for the crime to happen.

-A death guy appears in Paris...- For a second I really started to worry that she could really die.

-She said NO?

-No, she didn't say anything...

-How it could be? - I could not hide that I really did not know what to think.

-She was looking somewhere at the sky, above the city lights and she didn't say any answer for Alex' question. Just as she didn't hear it.

-And how about their sexual life?

-Nothing...

-It was not good. Tell this story till the end.

-There was really nothing. Just as between father and his daughter. - I was really terrified of what that guy was saying.

-I really don't understand something here. For over one year Alex was picking up the girl, living in a celibacy. So, how he was fighting against his sexual needs? Was he masturbating himself at the lonely nights thinking about Andrea, imagining that they are making love together?

-No, never!

-He didn't have that kind of needs?

-He had!

-So explain that finally, because it's important.

-Alex had never every any problems with finding his sexual partners. But with Adrea it was different. SHE was his romantic love. At this time he had some friendships, but that was nothing important. They were all finishing after couple of meetings in bed. Sometimes he was masturbating himself, but Andrea was never in his fantasies.

-To his goddess, because she became a God for him, he was lightening a candle. But it doesn't mean that he did not touch anything at the back of the temple. He divided the roles quite smartly. And for sure just thanks to that he didn't loose his mind completely. - I did not even think about this comment. It just came out like that. I really would like to have an ability to bite my tong in the right moment. I always admire this supernatural mechanism stacked somewhere inside human's brain, which is leading them till the edge of a precipice and lot of times letting them to jump. The reason is hidden somewhere else.

-You think that I almost get crazy?

-We are not speaking about YOU. We are just gossiping a bit about Alex! - I had to change the subject at once, because he could discover that I was considering him as really dump person. - Alex was not making any plans about Andrea? So how was he dreaming about his treasure at all those nights that he could not sleep?

-And how do you know that he could not sleep? - The things which are the most obvious are the most surprising for clients.

-If someone is brave enough to archive a women for the whole year, step by step, it means that his feeling, no matter how we are going to name it, has to be really strong and important for that person.

-Yes, the thing that I was in love, was even stronger than my normal way of logical thinking. But all his dreams were built on it. - Bravo! He realized that he left his rationality somewhere next to the door.

-So what were his dreams about? What were all those dreams "written by Alex" telling about?

-There were about everything. About going for a walk hand by hand, dinners eaten together, about talking till late at night, about...

-Oh! - Something in what he was saying was really interesting for me.

-About holydays, having guests, honey moon...

-Oh!!! - He did not want to say something. I had to be a bit more stubborn.

-About painting our home, about buying a car, about making shopping together...

-Oh??? And what was this dream, of which you don't want to say, about? - Now I was hundred percent sure that there was a point.

-....about a child...Alex started to desire to have a baby with her? - And here I have got you!

-But this is normal. It's a kind of usual thing. People are getting marry to have children as well. - I tried to belittle the things he was saying, to relax him for some time.

-Alex finished 40 years already. - Accusing yourself is a natural way of protection.

-So what? He cannot get horny? - I was trying to make the problem to sound funny, not be frightening any more.

-He gets horny, but...

-"BUT" is horny all the time, this "BUT" is not allowing him to be happy.

-No! He really can be happy! He really feels that he is alive when he loves!

-So how this Andrea's romantic love changed his personality?

-He was full of sorrow before. And he was so sure that if he desires something he really gonna to archive THIS THING.

-But he was fighting for Andrea as a brave lion or maybe as a stubborn donkey. So, now he cannot accept the thing he just won? He cannot find anything positive in this story?

-Now, when he just accepted his defeat, he doesn't have energy for anything. What kind of good thing he can find up there?

-What kind of answer Alex would like to get, if he would be here and I would be a guru, who knows all the answers?

-He really would like to know what kind of mistake he made, why he didn't manage to gain Andrea, what kind of thing he didn't make?

-What means "to gain"? To sleep with her?

-Not only to sleep with her! To make her to love him.

-It's more easy to ask this question to Andrea.

-He asked her. And she even answered his question.

-What did she say? It's very important! Say exactly what did she say!

-"I'm not able to love a man who is living that close to me."

-He got the answer, so what more he wants?

-He doesn't believe it. Because if two people really love each other, they want to be together as close as they can be.

-So Alex doesn't belief his lover's answer? -

But her answer doesn't have any logic.

-But it might be that she told him the truth and by mistake she gave him a key to solve the problem? Just that Alex doesn't want to accept it?

-What kind of think, that he already didn't make, Alex could make to wake up the love inside his heart? - He was stubbornly thinking all the time, that he can make all the things in the world, just if he will find the way how to make them.

-NOTHING. Andrea told him straightly that she is so much afraid of being in love that she is not able to love the person who is important for her.

-So he really couldn't do completely nothing? - He really did not understand what he was saying.

-He could kill himself! - Oh dear God...

-HOW CAN YOU SAY SO? - He was shocked that a therapist could suggest something like that.

-Yes! This is the only thing what he haven't done and which could push Andrea to involve herself in a relationship, that Alex was proposing.

-But this is not a solution!

-But it's much better of what he have chosen: he buried his love, he was having his mourning after loosing his expectations and hope. He just cannot exist!!!

-Why?

-I don't have any ready answer for a question 'why'. Please, ask me for something else. - I was saying and joking at the same time.

-If there would exist some really strong power, that Alex believed in, some destination, something that would give some meaning to all those things that happened and at the same time would be the reason of what happened.

-But easy, not everything at the same time! And tell me, was Andrea surprised by his confession of his feeling, which she heard on the Eiffel tower???? Was she blind and she didn't realize how much she is loved? Do you believe that some women are blind for feelings? - I started to ask him question, to push him to find the right answers.

-No, I'm quite sure that she knew much earlier the reason of all his behaviors. And if not, she had to feel something. She knew that she was loved. Alex was unable to hide his feelings.

-So why then she didn't stop Alex from telling her about his feelings? What was pushing her to stay as was his addiction? It was not a right relationship. It was working as a sponge. Was she an egoist? What precious thing was she getting from him, that she didn't say: "get lost!". She started to say no, just after he crossed her border asking her to marry him.

-I think that she needed much more that anyone else to be adored and to admire her and not to be pushed at the same time to make the same thing...And Alex was manipulating her to look like the only thing he wants, was to go for some dances, to play chess or to eat a dinner together.

-Was there something special in their meetings?

-Of course! Alex was preparing every meeting, even the shortest one, to be an unforgettable moment.

-And for sure he didn't serve for the dinner some ordinary sandwiches with ham, just some delicious Korean speciality. When they were dancing he spilled kilograms of confetti. And chess were maid of bread in a prison...

-How did you guess that? - All patients are always impressed the most by a simple logic thinking.

-Hope that you are not going to tell now, that this proposition of getting marry was just a spontaneous one, made by an affection of the beautiful view of Paris at night? Or maybe he made a detailed screenplay as he was making a circus?

-I didn't make any circus. - He was having a saint indignation on his face, just as I profaned the most precious relics.

-STOP! Ok, I'm deleting the world 'circus'. -Ok, maybe I made too much with my comparisons. - Anyway, none here is speaking about you! So, was Alex planning to propose getting marry in the tower, before the plain's departure?

-No...in the plane there was Notre Dame cathedral. -His ironic smile was the best comment for this situation. - but Eiffel tower was the winner.

-So, as far as I understood, everything in this relation was supposed to be outstanding.

-Of course, because love is such an unbelievable feeling.

-I have a different opinion. And I know that in reality you think the same. But lets come back for a second to the Alex' lovers. They all were just normal, common, usual human beings? They were ready for a deep relationship. But just as they showed even a little interest, Alex was braking the relation. So, was he believing that with Andrea it would be different? He was thinking that if she would show an interest, THAT love would not disappear that fast.

-He was thinking about that as well. But he wanted to believe and he really believed that it will be different with her. He was feeling real love for her and before that, it was just a desire.

-So in Alex' case there cannot be a combination: love with desire?

-That is what he is looking for.

-So love cannot grove up on desire? To start in the other sequence as it was with Andrea?

-I had something like that...

-And what?

-It finished...It occurred to be too difficult for the both of us. I don't understand it was well Maybe you could...

-Step by step. Not everything at once. Today we will speak only about the romantic love between Alex and Andrea. - I had to stop him not to loose the main plot. - Did you understand something new by telling this story in a third person?

-First of all, I feel that this story doesn't touch me as much as before.

-Great. And did you notice something more, something that you didn't know before, while trying to swim and to measure a swimming pool at the same time.

-I noticed that the main thing that makes me to act, was...Should I speak about myself or about Alex?

-As you want. If you feel that you can recognize all your feelings, then you can speak about yourself.

-The main thing that is making me to act, is a desire for everything to be unusual and I'm able to make everything to make it and to make my life to be not typical.

-This is important. And what about your dreams.

-They are unusual as well! I was dreaming about a treasure that would be hidden under some old jumper.

-And those deeply hidden desires, that you were having so many difficulties to speak about them, how they were looking like?

-My most precious dream was to have a child with Andrea...

-What kind of pictures, scenes were you having when you couldn't sleep at night? What were they showing?

-Holding each other hands we were looking at our baby sleeping in a cradle, I was standing on a ladder and I was painting the ceiling and she was bringing me a cup of coffee and she was laughing at be that my clothes were dirty with colors, I was chopping a bread for the dinner and she was preparing tea at the same time...- He started to cry. His big and round tears were falling down from his cheeks. It was seeming that his thoughts are not here. He was putting the butter on a slices of bread in his imagination for sure. I let him to finish all the preparations for the dinner, that would never be finished. - I'm sorry. I didn't want to act like that. - And just as he was a six years old boy, he cleaned his tears with a sleeve from his shirt.

-Don't say sorry. You came here to get some new information about yourself. How could you describe all those things, that you know now by telling all your dreams?

-I think that there is something wrong with this unusualness ...

-Why all those scenes, they make you to feel such a strong emotions?

-Because I don't really know non of those things. The things which are uncommon are much more easy for me than ordinary, simple feelings. It's much easier for me to dive or to fly, than to chop a bread for a dinner.

-You finally discovered it! - I congratulated.

-So why I'm always creating relationships that for sure won't succeed?

-It's simple.

-If it's so simple, how this mechanism looks like.

-It's just a normal, ordinary fear of defeat.

-But I'm able to win my fear. Even jumping form a plane with a parachute, doesn't make me to be so much afraid as dreaming about ordinary stuff. Could you explain me that?

-You had two unsuccessful marriages and you are afraid of some more troubles.

-It's not like that! I really want it so much...

-If you really want to understand it, so go out of the swimming pool. Imagine that you are the Guardian Angle of Alex. Alex, he didn't have any warmth that he should get in the past. He didn't get any good feelings from his parents. Because of some reasons, he almost died for a cancer, while his first marriage. His second marriage didn't succeed as well. It's not important why and it's not important whose fault was it. The guy was suffering because of it but he managed to survive. He works, he goes to a cinema and he is interested in some things, he is really able to enjoy his life (even this is not his real dream and this is not fully what he really wants). He lives a normal, good life. Sometimes he goes to some whores, sometimes he fucks something, but he is never in danger because he always remembers to wear preservatives. So now you are his Guardian Angle responsible for his life. You can sleep in peace now, your guy is driving fast but he always remembers to wear seatbelts. Would you send him his gorgeous, dream, imaginary princess? You know how women are. In his case, the chance that this time the relationship would work out and even half of his dreams would come true, is 20 - 25 %. What will happen with Alex if his dreams won't come true? Will he manage to survive? Will he continue to live normally? Or maybe he will buy some strong string? You are the one who is responsible for his life! So, you Angle, what are you going to do? What is your decision? Would you risk to put him to another relationship?

-I think that I would not manage to risk that much. This risk is too big. I will not make it. I would let the guy to live a bit longer. - Even if he was able to make really crazy things in his life, he was still feeling the responsibility for another human.

-Bravo! Every human has that kind of Guardian Angle. All psychologists call it - subconscious. It was the biggest dream for Alex to feel love. He wanted it so much that it must have happened sooner or later. There was not any other option, then to fall in love! And his subconscious was feeling that it has to find him some object to fall in love, that will not harm him at the same time. Who could be more safe for him than Andrea? It was obvious form the beginning that SHE would never harm him. And even for her that was the most perfect partner as an antidote for something. He didn't want something else as a revenge for adoring and admiring her. She was just fucked up by his pseudo romantic behavior, but that was not something threatening. Just the opposite way! Thanks to him first time in her life she said her most difficult word "NO" and nothing bad happened. And every time Alex was in love, in all that kind of situations, he was always behaving as a dog, putting his tail down and saying sorry. He was just giving and pretending that that's how a perfect love should look like. He was never refusing, never saying 'no' and he was never asking for some rights. I can even say more. They couldn't harm each other because there was no chance to make so. It's hard to believe that for each of them this relation was so positive! They spent couple of nice evenings together. They saw Paris. They were sharing their feelings not wanting anything as an exchange. And at the and of this comedy they even became friends, who are meeting each other once in couple of months for a coffee, for unimportant gossips. His superego was not risking anything, giving him Andrea. And how do you like your screenplay now, in a little bit different version?

-I was unable to see it in this way before. I think that you are right... When you are telling this story in this way it stops to be so tragic. It looks more as a comedy about a donkey in love, something as "A Midsummer Night's Dream". I just would like to hear some moral before the curtain will fall down. - His sense of humor was starting to wake up after a long, long time.

-Spectacular end? It's nothing for me!...- It could seems so. Well, I gave my word and I have to fix something. No panic! What to do? Or maybe he could advice me something as an unexpected final! - How would you act if you would be Andrea, adored by some guy in love, who is pissing you off with his love but at the same time you feel pity for the old asshole, whom you don't care completely? Try to feel this situation as much as you can.

-I think that after all I would feel pity for him. - He said after thinking a while and then he became Andrea completely. - Alex was so good for me, he was taking care of me and he was such a nice guy. I was feeling that I can count on him. I like him as well. I didn't want him to suffer without a reason. I would not be that perfect any more. I would sleep with him because of feeling pity. I'm not a virgin any more and he would be for sure such a gentle lover, as a good friend he is. It would be much more easy for him to stop to love me, if I would become an ordinary women and not a goodness. I think that I would not even feel bad taste after making love with him. I would not feel guilty that I made it without being in love. I could even say that I made "something good" for the others. There would not be even a risk that I would fall in love with him. And even if they would be some miracle, which is totally impossible, and he would make me to have an orgasm, well even this would not change the situation. Yes! I could give it to him. He deserves it form me. He deserves it for that kind of price, to be able to still think that if you really want something or someone that much, you can win any obstacles, that true love is able.

-So why you haven't made it?

-I don't know...- A little drops of sweat appeared on his forehead, as he knew that this answer is the key for this riddle. - I don't know why,..., it was just impossible!

-Bingo!

-What made you to feel so happy? - There was surprise mixed with hesitation in his voice.

-Do you know a fairytale about a princess who was made to be a green frog?

-Of course. I used to have a marvelous granny, who was telling me thousands of stories.

-And when you have been in some field, did you once find some frog and kissed it?

-Yes.- He answered a bit shy thinking that maybe I will start to laugh at him.

-And what? Did she became a princess? - I asked with a real interest as I did not really know the and.

-Well, no...

-And meanwhile kissing it, did you believe even a bit, that she will really became a princess?

-But that was just a joke.

-And if you would believe - would that change anything.

-No, because that was just impossible.

-So, from mathematic point of view, which thing could happen more probably: a frog becoming a princess by kissing it, or a woman becoming a queen of your heart by a kiss?

-So you are thinking that I'm kissing frogs instead of women? - Finally his synapses, which are connections between dendrites and neurons, start to work.

-You can answer your question.

-You are right...- So finally we came to the happy end. Just to mark a tinny, little dot above an "i" letter.

-And what were you feeling meanwhile kissing the frog? - He was thinking. In his imagination he was somewhere in a meadow holding the amphibian on his hand. I has having a feeling that in this moment he will say the biggest truth of his life.

-It's difficult to name it. This situation was so magical. The world of dreams was getting closer to me. All those things made me to be able to go to the safest, because made by myself, "my intimate little world", which I'm controlling, in which there are only worm emotions, just as I was changing for a little moment the real world into a fairy tale, in which the princess is not only gorgeous but as well smart, good, faithful, honest, she loves animals, poetry, children, flowers and me,..., and she isn't dangerous for my personality.

-Congratulations for understanding your problem! - I shacked my head to mark the importance of those words.

-And do you think that kissing frogs can be somehow dangerous?

-It can be.

-In which circumstances? If a frog would really change into a princess?

-No. The problem is that even with the most beautiful frog it's impossible to create a good relationship. But it can change to be a dream as well, loosing the connection with a reality. And even when you love the frog very much, it will not "turn to be a human being". The thing is that when you life just in an imagination, after some time your ordinary life can turn to be a dream. But there is no way to come back. Fantasies can addict just the same as drugs...- I do not really know what I meant by that, but thanks God he did not continue whit that subject and I did not have to invent something. He interrupted me at once.

-I remind myself about something. Andrea mentioned some time ago that the faith took a revenge on her for not being able to say "NO", giving her the same thing back. She was as well in love but not being loved.

-And how did you think? That frogs can be only female? A devil could change as well some prince...

-Andrea is kissing frogs as well?!?!?! - He opened his eyes so widely from surprise, that I could see the the white of his eyes all around. I could see as well very shy but almost honest smile on his face. He understood!

-You can ask her about this on your own...- I said giving my hand to say goodbye.

I switched of my dictaphone, I wrote the title on the cassette and I put a protection not to be damaged by mistake. It was an amazing, fascinating, untypical and because of all this, deadly precious session.

-Oh dear God, how I love amazing things! - I said to myself and I stretched myself smoking a cigarette to celebrate "a piece of a good work".

I remained myself words said by Zagloba in "The Deluge": "Not to sound full of myself - I maid that".

I just wonder, if he will ask...?